Emotional Roar

Since the last time I wrote, a bit of a quest has been conquered. I got the job I interviewed for on that Monday; and I feel like I am back on track. It is truly amazing the way a small refreshing circumstance can totally change your outlook on a situation. One tiny personal experience in the way of romance can dramatically highlight how you approach another - in my case professional - aspect of your life.

I have realized since I posted last that it is all about a balance. Mainly, at this stage in my life I feel as if I am best off being "selfish." Not in the cruel, self-absorbed sort of way that the word "selfish" automatically conjures, but in the way that helps you balance yourself out, take charge of what you seek and do what is best for you. I think this tidbit of advice/theory/philosophy is especially important for young women chasing a professional goal.

We (women) so often rely on our emotions to make a decision for us. Which is not a bad thing, it just must be used only in the proper setting. Emotional rationalizations are rarely effective when making a professional or financial decision. They are best reserved for your sex life, your wardrobe choices, maybe even which bottle of wine you select to crack open on a humid, Thursday evening while chit-chatting with room mates and browsing the latest headlines on NYT.com.

Selfish decisions should be made in your career; if it is a full-blooded, wildly rampant success story in a corporate or business like setting that you desire. In this sense, never let your emotions make decisions for you. Let them motivate you. If men believe they have the advantage of thinking rationally, then by hell, women have the advantage of transferring emotional energy into any capacity they can muster that might advance them in their professional life.

This is obviously a delicate, tender balance. The line between deciding emotionally and motivation through emotion is blurry, dotted or even slightly worn with tried and true experiences past. But, in my humble, limited, slightly "I am woman, hear me roar" experience thus far, using the emotions of my personal life to motivate me to kick-ass in my ever-budding professional existence has only rarely proven not effective.

Hunger

Despite the beautiful weather here and the fact that is was my birthday, yesterday was a reminder of what I came to New York to do. And, what I did not come here for.

When I moved to New York it was for college, but more than that I came here to be successful. As long as I can remember I have possessed an urge to "make it" somewhere. It is not about money, it was always about being happy.

So, with my 23rd year, I have tried to remind myself what might be the key to that happiness.

I know for sure it does not lie in the arms of a man - to this day I have not met one who hasn't disappointed me. And, unfortunately I have forgotten this over and over again. I can not get my hopes up any longer, every time I feel like I may have finally met someone I can rely on, some one I can trust and confide in reality sets in. It happened on New Years Eve and now again on my 23rd birthday.

So, I decided to re-refocus my focus. Re-establish my urge for success. And it all goes into play on Monday. Monday at 10am I will do my very best to get back on track. I want to get my foot in the door and follow it up with the rest of me. My mind is there, now the physical must precede. I have decided I will give all of my energy to this idea. I will not quit until I am so far ahead that the others in the competition see me as a little tiny dot far off the horizon. Because I am hungry, and Monday I have the chance to taste the feast that I am entitled to.